


Swords

by Galactic_Ink



Series: Raising Anya, Allen, and Aleksandr [18]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Family, Gen, Humor, naughty kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4715105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galactic_Ink/pseuds/Galactic_Ink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred and Ivan find the house a mess and their children playing with "swords".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swords

**Swords**

When America and Russia returned home from a meeting they had expected to find the house the way they had left it. They expected the twins to be watching TV or playing with Tony, who was expected to have watched them in their absences. That was far from the case. The eight year olds were nowhere in sight, but their mess was everywhere. A cardboard spaceship abandoned in the hall, toilet paper and construction paper everywhere, popsicle sticks and wrappers tossed around and the popsicle box itself had eyeholes cut into it. Newspaper hats and various forts were also riddled throughout the first floor of the house.

"Well, Tony sucks at babysitting. Glad we brought Alek with us," America said as he set down the sleeping baby in his car seat.

"Da, let us hope that they are alright," Ivan stated as he gave sigh.

Alfred agreed and headed upstairs to put Alek in his crib, and Ivan followed him to start the hunt for their children. On the second floor they found a line of toilet paper going through the center of the floor, splitting it in two and each side marked Winner and Loser with a sign. They didn't know what to make of it, but as they walked over it Ivan noticed something.

"Alfred, our room is open."

The honey blonde looked to their bedroom to find the door wide open and clothing spilling out of it.

"Crap. Hopefully they didn't get in—"

Alfred was cut off by a loud yell then a thump as if something had fallen. They both found the sound to be coming from Allen's room and quickly rushed over to it. They opened the door quickly to find Allen climbing up his bookcase and then jumping off it with a battle cry as he headed for his sister. Anya stood in front of him with a button up shirt tied around her neck that looked to be Russia's by the size of it. Allen had a shirt around his neck as well, but that didn't stand out as much as it should have to the nations. Their eyes were glued to the toys Anya and Allen had in their hands, which their staring eyes was enough to alert the kids that they were in fact standing in the room.

"Oh! Hi Daddy, Papa," Allen said happily as he stopped fighting his sister.

"Welcome back," Anya said with a brilliant smile.

Alfred just stared at his children, unable to find his voice, and neither could Ivan. The twins looked at them strangely then Alfred elbowed Ivan to start talking, because he didn't know whether to laugh, die of embarrassment, take a picture, or get angry. Ivan himself was in the same boat as Alfred, and after being forced to speak first he mustered up a cracked smile and stepped closer to his children.

"Hello little ones, I see that you are playing with a new toy da?"

"Da, they're awesome," they said in unison.

"We got bored with our toys and went to look for some in your room," Anya stated.

"Yeah, how come you never let us play with these before? They're really cool," Allen said excitedly.

Ivan just coughed into his fist and looked back to Alfred for help. The honey blonde just coughed and suddenly became very interested in Alek still in his car seat, which made the Russian feel like he just got left for dead.

"Papa, these really are cool! Mine shakes when you turn this bottom part," Anya stated and when she went to demonstrate Ivan was quick to stop her.

"N-No need to show me da? Do, do you even know what these are?"

The twins looked at each other then to their toys, and Ivan was internally screaming the answer.

"I don't know, but we've been using them as swords," Anya said with a smile and Allen wiggled his sword in front of Ivan's face

Ivan stared at Anya and Allen blankly as both of them wiggled their swords. He had no idea what to do. His mind was reeling as he kept asking himself: _'How do you tell 8 year olds that they're dildos?! How do you get them back?! How!?'_ Russia looked back again to America and found the younger nation recording him on his phone with Aleksandr set by his feet. He gave a look of betrayal and America just cracked a smile.

"So you guys found swords in our room." The twins nodded and Alfred had a giggle escape him. "Did you find anything else," he asked again with his laughter growing.

"We found jumping beans," started Allen, "and these cool rainbow balloons," finished Anya. "Though some went bad cuz they were all slimy," she added and made a disgusted face.

Once Alfred heard this he tried his hardest not to lose it at that moment. He had a clear idea of what his kids had found, and was thankful they only found that much. Ivan on the other hand appeared to have his soul sucked out of his body. All he could picture was his physically 5 year old children find their intimate things and he honestly felt like he died inside.

"C-Can you show me these other toys," Alfred asked trying to control himself.

Allen and Anya nodded happily and ran passed their parents in their shirt capes with their "swords" still in hand. Alfred eagerly followed them while Ivan seemed dragged behind; though not before taking Alek out of his car seat and setting him in his crib.

The twins took them to the game room where a setup of army mean and "jumping beans" were laid about on the floor. The rainbow "balloons" were also blown up and taped together to look like bunny ears.

The instant Alfred saw this he couldn't keep it together any longer, he burst out laughing and nearly dropped his phone from it. He had tears come to his eyes as he laughed and found he couldn't even stand as his sides started to hurt. He slumped against a nearby wall and slid down to the floor as he laughed. Ivan on the other hand was not laughing. Russia just stared at the things his children had come to find and gave a deep sigh. He decided not to get angry over it, since Alfred seemed to find it hilarious, which it was kind of funny, but mostly embarrassing.

' _Need to buy a safe.'_

Ivan cleared his throat and crouched down to one knee in front of his kids.

"Allen, Anya, play time is over now. You need to give back me and your daddy's toys—"

"But, but we wanna play some more," Anya whined.

"Yeah, and you always said we should share our toys," Allen stated with a pout on his face.

Ivan groaned at hearing this and at hearing Alfred's laughter still going strong, which was not helping him think.

"How about this. When you give me back the toys we can go out, and your _Daddy_ can get better swords for you two," Ivan suggested.

The twin blondes looked at their toys then each other, before nodding.

"Okay, but can it be a real one," Allen asked before handing over his toy.

"Nyet, it will be plastic, but it might make noises or light up," Ivan said tiredly hoping the twins would give up the dildos.

The thought of a sword being able to light up did win over the children and they beamed smiles at Ivan as they gave up their toys.

"Can we go now," asked Anya excitedly.

"Not until everything is cleaned up, you two can clean up your other messes. I shall take care of this room."

The twins nodded happily and ran off to start cleaning as fast as possible. It was this moment that Russia noticed that America wasn't laughing and turned around to find the man holding his stomach as he took deep breaths.

"You were a great help Alfred."

Alfred smiled brightly and picked up his phone off the floor.

"Sorry, just... I couldn't help it."

Russia rolled his eyes and went about picking up the mini vibrators and condoms. Alfred eventually joined him in the cleanup after he saved the video he took.

"So are we really getting them swords," Alfred asked.

"Da, _you_ are going to be getting them, and I am going to be getting us a safe, or at least a box with a lock," Russia stated as he cleaned up the condoms.

"Fair enough… Hey, you wanna play swords," Alfred asked with a grin on his face.

Ivan looked at the American and just shook his head in a foreshame manor. The honey blonde had placed the "balloon" bunny ears on his head and was wiggling his eyebrows.

"You are a child."

* * *

***AHAHAHAHA I'm horrible. Aaahh, got kids lock your stuff up XD***

 


End file.
